Yes, Virginia, I do have a large ass

So last week my university began its fall semester. My first class was Lit, nothing too serious or impossibly challenging there--or so it sounds. I simply sat at the table, introduced myself and smiled a lot. My second class was Intro to Justice. I have a problem now. Since I was last a student at this university I have changed.

Oh, yes...I've become older and wiser. I don't really care what kind of a fashion statement I make (or don't make) these days. But...after the last couple of years of health issues (I think I mentioned this in a previous post) I gained about 130 pounds. This wouldn't be much of a problem if I had started off weighing say...30 pounds. But, I've never been skinny. When I graduated high school I was a muscular 160 pounds. So, yes, that tops me out at close to 300. I have lost 47 pounds, and will continue to make efforts to lose another 90-100. I think we all know that this will not happen in the next week or two.

So, you may be asking, what does this have to do with school? Is it the stairs? No, it's not the stairs...The stairs are merely a daily reminder that a year ago I would have been forced to use the elevator as I did not have the strength nor the energy to do even a few stairs. I am a little out of breath at the top, but I do them daily--and am very, very grateful that I can.

The problem is--the desks. I had never really given much thought to the desks...Certainly they weren't as comfortable as an easy chair or a laz-boy...But certainly they were adequate for their purpose.

I wedged myself into the desk fairly well. I found that I could breathe or see my notes (with the weight gain came EXCEPTIONALLY large breasts), but that I could not do both at the same time. Not convenient, but I did manage this as well. I got myself into a system. And then class was over. I attempted to get up...and for those of you who don't realize this, getting out of one of those desks is apparently a conditioned-response type of thing. However...this method no longer works for me. If I try to stand up, I would take the desk with me. I sat back down, and in order to give myself some time to ponder my dilemma...I decide to lean down and put my books back into my bag. Which goes okay...Gives other students time to leave, etc. At least if I'm going to embarrass myself there will be fewer witness, right? Right. As I sit up, one of my breasts becomes lodged between me and the desk. Great. I finally found that by reaching around toward the middle of my back and grabbing the back of the chair and using the other hand to push off the desktop, I can unwedge myself from the desk. It's really okay to laugh, once I realized I wasn't going to have to go through life wearing the desk, I almost wet my pants laughing.

I stop to gather my bag and take a quick look around. No one is laughing at me. I have either pulled off this feat without drawing unnecessary attention, or the other students are very kind. I assume it is a combination of the two.

Back to School

School starts for me on Monday. I feel like I'm forgetting something major, that I'm not quite prepared to go back. I sat down earlier today to make a list of everything that I needed like ID, parking permit, etc. I have checked off everything on my list. Which makes me even more anxious, because then I think, "Wow, I'm really missing the boat on something. I don't even know what I need." Which of course isn't true at all. Other than one textbook, I even have all of my books...And that text won't be in until mid-September. So it's probably just the jitters...I hope.