Friends

Friday morning a friend of mine was found dead on her living room floor. She was 43.

We had sort of drifted apart the last few years. She (and her sister, who is also a friend) had chosen a different way of life, and I had given up the "party" lifestyle. We saw each other around town. I was on the c-section team when her daughter gave birth (though for the life of me I can't remember if we ended up doing a section or not). But mostly we saw each other at funerals...my mom's, their dad's, their mom's, my dad's, their sister's. Every time we saw each other we always said, "Call me!" "Let's get together!" and all of those things. But we were busy...Had responsibilities and things that came up and...now it's too late.

In this small, often judgemental community that I live in, real true friends are few and far between. Being gay in a small town (at least this small town) can be wearing. She, nor her family, ever judged me. They maintained open arms, and they also liked my current partner. (None of my friends cared for my ex.) The love was always real, if unspoken.

I spoke to her sister at the visitation this evening. The connection was instant...I don't know if it struck her as it did me, but it dawned on me. Real friends...I know that if I need her she will be there. I won't have to call or go knocking on her door. I just know. We haven't seen each other or spoken in about a year. But she knew I would be there. "I wondered what time you'd come around."

This post probably doesn't make any sense to anyone but me...I just needed to write.